D’Anika’s Legacy: Love Beyond Loss

Ya'll I have been writing this blog for weeks now with hopes of having it in your mailbox by Oct 1st at 4:44 p.m. and here we are almost at Oct 2nd.

You see, grief has no expiration date, it has no magic "easy button" nor does it come with a custom manual on how to navigate this journey. Sure, Ch8sing Waterfalls was built from the pain at the death of our lil angel. Sure the pain turned into passion that birthed purpose in Ch8sing Waterfalls, yet here we are.

So what it has been nearly 34 years, I dare you to question my pain and I refuse to allow you to calculate or quantify my heartache in years, according to who?

This will be brief because it's real, it's transparent, and it's me. For those of you who know me, know that this is Deborah, not DeBo, Deb, Dora, nor Dep, this is Deborah the one with the forever hole in her heart, the one who often looks in the sea of young women D'Anika's age wondering who she'd be, how she would love and who she would love. I often think of how God gave me a sister in love born on the exact same day as D'Anika, who married my brother in love, who was born on the exact same day D'Anika died. Yeah, that's my life, the pieces I'm not creative enough to make up, the part of my story that I could have never ordered for myself, nor for anyone else, for that matter.

There are days when she is constantly on my mind and yet there are days when through the heartache I can't see her face. We only had 90 days. It was 12 weeks and 6 brief days that we got to hear her giggle, smell her new baby smell, brush her hair, hold her tight, and kiss her sweet cheeks. Only 90 days and a handful of pictures that time has now aged.

Besides the nine months she and I shared our internal bond, November 11, 1991 - February 9, 1992, is all we had and though it will soon be thirty-four years, no, I've not forgotten, I've not gotten over her death, and I probably never will. Yes, I've forgiven God. I understand that our guardian angels are chosen beyond our control and I have accepted the idea that her short life was not ours to hold. And no, I am not completely healed, and doubt that I ever will. If a child has gone before you, I'm sure you can understand and agree.

Ch8sing Waterfall was birthed nine years ago, and this year may actually be the first year that I've been able to publicly acknowledge October as Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month and this is growth, or healing, or both.

Unlike the brutality that exists amongst us where parents are forced to bury their children at the hands of evil, our D'Anika simply went to sleep. Neither one is easier to live with, nor does it seem fair, yet here we are. If ever we were to be coined, angry black women, this heartbreak should give us a pass.

Yet, here I stand! Yet, here we stand!

Friend, you’ve opened the email, made it this far, and now you know a little more about our story and the heart behind Ch8sing Waterfalls.

Now, can we count on your support?

This month, we’re asking you to donate at least $8, a meaningful gift that represents the infinity in Ch8sing Waterfalls and the love that lives beyond. Your donation helps us continue creating safe, healing spaces where women in our community can release, reconnect, and heal through nature.

Will you help us continue the Ch8se?

Every $8 matters. Every act of support matters. Every woman deserves space to heal.

Deborah